You need marriage advice?

A marriage therapist can be absolutely invaluable to couples seeking marriage advice, but sometimes, for whatever reason, attending a marriage therapist is not feasible. The marriage advice is still appreciated, though, for anyone looking to either smooth out a bumpy marriage, improve a great one, or prepare for the future. The following tidbits are gleaned from the collective wisdom of married people with a marriage therapist’s suggestions thrown in here and there. This marriage advice is not infallible; in fact no marriage advice is, but it can certainly help provide a lasting bond between spouses.

1. Learn how to fight – and to walk away

For couples who have been stifling issues, a fight can actually be healthy in some cases in that it allows both sides to air grievances and feelings. There are, however, good and bad ways to fight, as any marriage therapist will tell you. A good fight is where both sides air out their feelings and that eventually evolves into a resolution (it may take time). A bad fight is where both sides seek to hurt the other without really accomplishing anything, and with a lot hashing over of old issues. Equally as important is learning when to walk away from a fight. If you sense that the fight is a bad fight and that it will not accomplish anything, or that you’re being goaded, great marriage advice is just to escape from it, before saying something that will be regretted in better times. Similarly, great marriage advice is to learn to apologize after the fight is over, and to take responsibility for one’s own actions.

2. Allot space

Any marriage therapist will agree that it is important to have your own space in a marriage. This can be as simple as setting aside one room per person where that person can have personal effects and spend time alone if need be. It can also entail having time specifically set aside where the other person is not around.

3. Have separate hobbies

Many couples think that a strong marriage is built around spending time together; this is true to an extent, but any marriage therapist will also note that spending too much time together is just as problematic. Couples should definitely have at least some separate hobbies where they can build outside friendships and unwind from spending time with their partner. A marriage therapist may even suggest occasional separate vacations to unwind to be good marriage advice.

4. Speak in a non-antagonistic way

Great marriage advice that you can get from nearly any marriage therapist is to learn to speak in a way that doesn’t antagonize your partner. Rather than saying “you” statements, rephrase your statements to be “I” statements. For instance, a marriage therapist might suggest saying “I feel” instead of “you make me feel”. This works to take the blame off of the other person so that he or she is more willing to listen and cooperate, and also refrains from putting blame where it is not necessarily due, which is always good marriage advice.